Thoughts pull me faster, pulling me closer...

But its apparent that I will never be happy. As much as I want someone to love me for who I am, I must be asking too much…. someone to hold, to kiss, to love me…

Off to bed alone again…

- Zero

Gettin depressed it seems like, oh well ill do my best to not feel alone.

I can’t believe I had such an amazing time tonite just hanging out with people I’m starting to consider to be friends… its so insane to me.

I was so happy to see everyone tonight it made the highlight of my night when we all just sat around and talked for hours on end it made a great impact on what I’ve let myself miss all these years.

Never will I let myself or anyone stop me from being friends with these people, and to keep myself from caring for those who I’m developing genuine human emotions for…..

itzzcyril:

There are no rules

I feel like this is going to be a great adventure! I just need a mouse :D

Scrompin’ niggas out with my nigga twitch and rammus lol

- Zero

normal.

maybe there’s still hope for me…..

- Zero

Suddenly not so lonely anymore…. I could get used to having more friends :3

Its not wrong to develop genuine feelings for others knowing they care for you as well.

We will see where life takes me once again… :3

- Zero

So I just remembered how much I like to cook, I’m going to start learning how to make different kinds of other delicious food :3

Make this a new hobby of mine.

- Zero

Had another great day and night playing smash and hanging out with friends, feeling a bit sad but I won’t let it bother me as much as it ever did before. That’s just life eventually I won’t feel so alone, not that I’m not surrounded by people that care about me. But I can’t help but want to have that one person that will love me completely for who I am :3

-Zero

let the sadness take me it tried today for about a split second and I brushed it away :3 im proud of myself!

I will keep trying everytime it tries to get me, I will end its life…

- Zero

today was legit hung out with my brother and lil sister haha :D

got to see Randall Lynn my very dear friend <3

ate some delicious cake and milk, all in all a good day & night

had fun seeing arthur, arturo, joe, tavito, meagan, vivian, melanie, Zhanna! even tho we only saw like 10 minutes of insidious lol

- Zero

I’m not gonna spend another fucking minute feeling sorry for myself. I’m done with this…

I control my feelings they don’t control me!!

No longer will I let my insecurities attack my heart, making me retreat into the solitude of my room. It can be done….I CAN BE HAPPY.

I just have to choose to be, even though I trained myself that I never had a choice, and that I didn’t deserve it…

~~If you don’t like me for what I am and don’t want to be around or spend time with me…then go fuck yourself, you are nothing to me~~

If you show you want to be there for me, and care for me I will care for you more than anything in this world…..there’s nothing better than true companionship and love <3

-Zero

its been hard these past three days, i’ve been trying to cheer up hoping things will pick up. eventually they will but after i’ve been depressed horribly for the past 11 years, what can I expect right?

oh well that’s life.

you realize you have no friends, and no one cares about you its tough.

people tell you they care but honestly they’re just kidding themselves, how can you care about me. fucking look at me for starters….

-Zero

just got some 15x8 wheels for my miata :3 cant wait to get laces for my new shoes (aka tires) and thanks to Randall Lynn for taking a handsome young man to pick them up in the JDM as Fuck Wagon!! AWD all day! <3

Just saw beastly. It was very interesting.

So this niggas an asshole then he turns ugly and sees how much of a douchebag he was so he comes to realize looks aren’t all that matter, and what really matters is love.

Great movie bro! Recommend you watch it!

Installed rear coilovers on my car tonite, very fun got cut, almost eaten by a black widow but all in all a good night…. now I’m tired off to sleep.

I actually had a great time tonite…with people I consider friends. It happens every so often that I let my guard down, but its for the best. I can’t keep making the same mistakes, it’s time to let people get close to me….well at least the people who deserve it, and seem to genuinely care :D hopefully things will pick up because I definitely don’t want to give up <(^___^)> - Zero

We want to believe so badly that someone can care for us, is that too much to ask? that someone can love us for what we have become. It almost seems that when we try to reach out we get closer to feeling normal. But then we start to think again, what is normal? what if there is something wrong with us? or is it just a lifetime of feeling like we could never be good enough for anyone to even look at us twice, if our own father didn’t love us or want us how could anyone else possibly ever love us?
I know what I am, I can’t deny myself that I’m a fucking monster. If anyone sees what we really are they would turn away in an instant leaving us alone…again. This is why we wear our mask, to save everyone from seeing us, knowing us, having to look at us. We must be crazy haha. we NEED to stop doing this to ourselves but it seems, how can we put this…. oh i know impossible…. - Zero

Finally came to realize we can’t always keep to ourselves anymore, its hard to admit that we need other human interaction we suppose. - Zero